Why I Love My Mom

When my mom passed away in July of 2000, it was heartbreaking. I couldn't imagine my life without the one woman who I always looked up too. She was a strong woman. Every morning she woke up before dawn and started her way to work. I have gone to work with her a few times as part of the "Take Your Kid's To Work Day". I never realized how hard she worked until I went to work with her for a day. My feet hurt, I was tired, my arms hurt as well. She was a baker. All day long at the Marriott she was on her feet making all sorts of baked goods so that those who were staying there can enjoy something sweet. When she came home, her job wasn't done. She still had to take care of her own kids and cook dinner. Isn't it funny how you never appreciate the little things your mom does for you when you are small?

My mom was there for me through a lot of things. She helped me pick out Homecoming and Prom dresses in high school, she went to my cross-country meets when they were held in town and she even made my hair look good. She saw me graduate and we took a little drive to Portales, NM when I was deciding which college to attend. We stayed the night in the dorms at Eastern New Mexico University and I can remember us taking walks around the campus, meeting different people and having to take the bus back home. She did what she had to do to get me to go to college so I can make a difference in my own life. She wanted me to succeed. 

When it was time for me to leave for college, the entire family took the trip with us and we went to Carlsbad Caverns. We never had been on a family trip before. We never had the money to go on such a trip. We grew up in a low-income neighborhood. I can remember the first time we moved into such a neighborhood due to circumstances. We had nothing except our clothes, but day by day through the help of neighbors and family we started to get furniture and electricity. Before you knew it we were living comfortably. Living in a neighborhood termed as "the projects" you get a lot of crime and we had always had to deal with constant break-in's. As time went by we grew smarter and learned how to hide our valuables so that the next time they won't take our precious items. I remember one time they broke into our freezer and took all of our meat. Never once did my mom give up. She kept her head high and kept moving on because life goes on. There's no need to cry over material things she said. What mattered to her was that none of us were hurt.

I remember arriving at the dorms for my first time away from home. I looked back and saw my mom crying as I walked into the dorms. My entire family was proud of me. I was her only child of 6 to have gone to college. To me it was something that I always wanted to do but I didn't know what I wanted to study. All I knew was that I had to get this degree so I can prove to myself, to my family, to my "project" friends that yes, you can move on to better things, you just have to have determination and the willingness to work hard to do so. I was lucky that Financial Aide and scholarships paid my way through college. Even when my mom passed away I was lucky to have a dad who was able to get me on the V.A. program so that they can help me pay my way through college. 

God has blessed me in many ways to assist me in getting my degree. When I thought I couldn't afford it anymore, God provided it for me. It was always in my heart to finish my degree, even if it took me 7 years to get a bachelor's degree, I always went back and tried my best. I was determined to get that degree. I wanted my mom to be proud of me, I wanted her to have at least one child to go on to get a higher education. My only mistake was choosing the wrong field to get a degree in. That's when I had wish I had my mom there to help me make those decisions. I wish I had done special education or something in health care. Instead, I opted for Public Relations and it has gotten me no where. I don't know how some people get lucky in P.R. and land good paying jobs. I guess I didn't have the time to do internships and that is what hurt me the most.

I remember my first semester in college, it was getting towards the end of the semester and finals were coming up. I remember making a phone call home to tell my mom when I would be home and where to pick me up. I was talking to my step-dad and I over heard my oldest sister Jessica asking my mom if she has told me yet and I heard my mom said no. I asked my step-dad what they were talking about and he said "I don't know, you know them, they like to talk" and quickly passed the phone to my mom. I didn't know what to think. I asked my mom what was wrong and she said nothing and she got a little choked up so she ended the conversation with something like "I better let you go and I'll see you in a few days." I really didn't think the worse when I heard that, I thought maybe it was something like my fish had died and they didn't want to tell me or she is moving and they didn't tell me (well that did happen, I didn't know my mom had gotten a new house until I went home for Thanksgiving and that's when I got to see the house).

I remember walking the campus in the afternoon, it was all lonely. I saw an owl sitting on the grass where I was passing. I thought that was odd. I remember telling my friend Rob about the owl. He told me that his grandma said that the owl was a sign that something bad was coming or that something really good can happen but it depended on how I felt when I saw it. I guess seeing an owl during the daytime like that is not very common. I have never really done much research on owls. It made me scared. I got ready to go home and my roommate, Jennifer, was so kind enough to drive me home. I remember her meeting my mom in the parking lot of Old Navy. I switched cars and I was excited to tell her everything. I remember telling her about my friend Abby and how she get's to go see a cat-scan of a knee (we were studying to be athletic trainers so those things were huge to us). That's when the news dropped. My mom said she went for one too. I asked why. My sister Jessica was driving and I just saw the tears. My mom had told me the cancer had returned. It wasn't looking good. 

My mom had gotten breast cancer when I was a junior in high school. I remember always talking to my B.F.F. Lydia about it. She was so wonderful and was always there for me. I never really thought about cancer affecting anyone that I loved. I never really knew anyone who had cancer so it was all new to me. I remember having to go with my mom to her chemo therapies and radiation therapies as well. She was a strong woman, she was able to go through all that treatment and still was able to stand strong. She wasn't ashamed to show off her bald head or walk around with only one breast. 

I remember in my senior year she was in the last few treatments and we had senior night. She came to the basketball game and I was a student trainer for the boy's varsity team. They asked my mom to come to the game and before the game they were to introduce the senior's and their parents. My mom could barely walk and yet she was able to stand there and I remember looking across the court as I walked with a rose to give to her as my thanks. I remember the coach's wife saying that my mom was so strong and that she admired her. When it was time for me to graduate she was done with treatments and they said the cancer was all gone. All that was left to her was to get stronger. 

At the time, I was a catholic and I had my high school graduation on Saturday and my confirmation on Sunday. It was a huge weekend for me. My mom's hair was finally growing back and she was looking great. She had a party for me and invited everyone. She made my graduation cake and cooked. I remember she got so creative with the watermelon, she made it as a basket. It was so creative it was the first time I saw fruit designed as anything. I remember helping her scoop the melon into little balls to put into the watermelon basket. It was fun times. We were celebrating a lot, her health and my graduation.

To hear that her cancer had came back was devastating. The only thing I can think about was how she had to go through all that pain again and all those treatments that made her sick to her stomach. She said that the cancer had spread to her brain and pretty much everywhere else. I thought it was going to be the same thing, treatment was going to cure it. However she decided this time to not go through the treatment. Even had she did it wouldn't have made a difference, it wasn't able to be cured this time. I didn't know what to think or how to react. I thought calling my college friend will help me but she didn't know what to say. I didn't think she understood what I was going through. I didn't expect anyone to know. So I called my high school B.F.F. Lydia and we went out. She helped me get my mind cleared and was able to console me. I remember getting my belly button pierced that night. I really don't know why to this day why I did such a foolish thing. I guess at that time it was something that everyone was getting into and it became the new trend. It hurt a lot and I felt like throwing up afterwards. I'm so glad I got rid of it but the mark is still there. I wish I hadn't gotten the piercing. This is what happens when you are not in the right state of mind and you are going through so much that you are easily convinced to do things such body piercing. To some it's OK but I really don't find it attractive any more. I'm just glad it was only a piercing rather than a tattoo. 

I guess my mom had a feeling I had done something because when I came home that night she asked to see it. I always wondered how she knew things. It's amazing how mom's just have that instinct that you did something and they want you to just tell them. So I showed her. She thought it was cute and at the time I did too.

Mom's just always have that instinct that something has gone wrong or you did something good. She has raised us from babies to grown adults. She has studied our expressions and our moods. She has always known when we weren't feeling good or just flat out lying about being sick. She knows everything about us.